Confession: Sometimes my own view of women hamstrings me.
Some of you are shocked, and maybe a little offended, I would ask this question because your inner answer is, Of course.
Some of you are shocked because you’re wondering where I will stand in Christian culture, if perhaps in my past I have burned a bra. I’m also a little curious what I will say.
Sometimes I can think of God as wanting women to be strong, but not too strong.
A Woman Who Shattered the Mold
The other day, I read to both my twelve-year-old daughter and my youngest son the story of Deborah, Barak, and Jael, from Judges 5. I read it to my daughter because I wanted her to see some strong biblical women.
I read it to my son because it’s gross in that cool way boys love, I like reading my sons stories of strong women, and I want him to love the fierceness adventure of God in the Bible. (After this, we read the story of Eglon, which is also a perfectly disgusting and heroic story for boys.)
The story of Deborah fascinates me, though, because Deborah is so stinkin’ strong and unapologetic. She’s commanding this army general (Barak) to actually do what God’s telling him and herd up 10,000 warriors to go against the enemy general, Sisera.
Barak’s too freaked out to do it without Deborah. So Deborah says she’ll go with him–but God will give the glory to a woman, not to him.
She’s right; the army is routed. General Sisera, as only a military commander can do, takes off.
He tries to hide out in Jael’s tent. But after schmoozing him with a meal and a blanket, she plants a tent peg through his temple. If this were a movie, they would pan the camera away for that part.
So that happened.
Your Mom Did What?
But if you read the song of Deborah and Barak afterward, this is what I like: I, Deborah, rose as a mother in Israel…
These are the adjectives I scrawled to describe this “mother”, based on Judges 4-5:
- boldness
- courage
- mightiness
- “charging the hill”
- confidence
- perseverance
- charisma (?)
- unshaken trust
- decisiveness
- leadership
Um. Do these describe my motherhood? I definitely “charge the hill” when it comes to laundry. I am certainly bold when my child leaves a peach pit on the coffee table. I’m decisive when I want kids to do their chores.
But at least for me, as a woman, fear is much more alluring.
I wonder about Jael–about whether she was hyper-respirating, like I would be, or if she hesitated while she held the mallet in the moment Before. But she’s praised for her action: “Most blessed be Jael,” the song afterward goes. (Liability note: This blog is not suggesting nor will be held responsible if you kill someone with a tent peg, no matter how evil you believe them to be. Go use your tent pegs for campouts.)
Every one of us does motherhood differently. But note this. Being a woman of God didn’t mean Deborah shied away from developing bold leadership.
Female, Christian, and a Boss
If you’ve taken the Enneagram, you might have heard the joke that all Christian woman are miraculously 2’s: helpers whose identity is wrapped up in give-the-blouse-off-your-back sacrifice.
But I’ve talked to at least one Christian, female 8–who God also created with intention. (See Do our churches prefer certain personality types?) Enneagram 8’s can be described like this:
self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive, but can also be ego-centric and domineering. Eights feel they must control their environment, especially people, sometimes becoming confrontational and intimidating. Eights typically have problems with their tempers and with allowing themselves to be vulnerable. At their Best: self-mastering, they use their strength to improve others’ lives, becoming heroic, magnanimous, and inspiring. [source: The Enneagram Institute]
Just speculating, I hear Deborah all over that.
But don’t give yourself an out, ladies, if you’re not an 8.
Strong: Better than Prada
The Proverbs 31 woman is decisive, too, and protective, making decisions about real-estate, running her own business, crazy-industrious and perceptive. She’s a bit of a warrior-woman all on her own: “Strength and dignity are her clothing” (v. 25); “her arms are strong for her tasks” (v. 17).
We can’t let even evangelical stereotypes suck this out of God’s definition of womanhood.
I still fully believe and choose to arrange my life in what I believe to be God’s order, placing myself beneath (Greek: hupotasso) my husband’s authority. (And I actually prefer to have him bear the primary weight of responsibility for our home.)
But remember the Hebrew word for “helper” in the Garden of Eden, ezer, is then used to describe God, God’s Spirit, and military allies in the rest of the Old Testament.
This person is a military ally (see this post for both genders on Ideas to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman). She’s not particularly dainty, doesn’t use her role in the authority structure to hide in passivity, to avoid confrontation or conflict.
Hear Me Roar?
I think sometimes I get strength wrong. Women get strength wrong.
I like that Deborah and Jael’s strength was for God and his purposes. It wasn’t so they could reach purposes of selfish ambition or conceit (Philippians 2:3-4).
It wasn’t because they needed to prove something or that they were above someone else.
It wasn’t so they could say You’re not the boss of me.
I tell my oldest son, who at 15, has shoulders are expanding by inches right now–that God has given him power in order to protect and care for others. It’s not for him to use his power to better get what he wants.
The ethos of the kingdom of God is one where the greatest among you is your servant.
And in this way, women don’t pursue leadership or strength or power to dominate, any more than men should. Courage, from Joan of Arc to Mother Teresa, is for a chance to wash someone’s feet (John 13:14). To do what is gross and exhausting and loving and beautiful.
Friends, find your inner lion.
Click here for another important post: On God and the Dreams of Women
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July 10, 2019 at 2:29 pm
Janel, this was excellent! Thank you so much for sharing and for courageously sharing truth. Personally, I have been wrestling with this idea of women in leadership and how we as Christian women are designed to walk out and in “leadership” – in the home, at work, in ministry, at church, in the world, etc. Honestly, this has come more recently to the forefront of my thinking having moved to the South about two months ago and facing certain stereotypes and beliefs here. It is so helpful and encouraging to continue returning to the Biblical models and to see how God has created and employed women for His kingdom throughout time. Blessings to you and your family! 🙂
July 10, 2019 at 4:00 pm
Ruthie, thanks so much for your warm words on an intimidating post to put together. I loved your thoughts. Praying right now for your courage and wisdom to navigate your new culture and home!
July 11, 2019 at 3:36 pm
Thank you so much, Janel! Prayers are appreciated as the transition has been much more difficult than I anticipated, but God has been soo faithful. 🙂
July 10, 2019 at 2:46 pm
Love this! Also, the word “ezer” which is translated “Helper” in genesis when God creates woman-it is the same word used for God when he is called a helper in war. It is a strong helper.
July 10, 2019 at 4:01 pm
Love your thoughts, April–and so grateful for your encouragement on an intimidating post to write. From one strong helper to another: Thank you.
September 16, 2022 at 10:17 pm
And to all of you ladies, do not listen to Abimelech’s lie in Judges 9:54 from Lucifer! Abimelech was a bloodthirsty tyrant and he tried to murder the defenceless citizens of Thebez by trying to burn the tower down to murder all of the people in the tower, but a woman in the tower found a piece of a millstone and with courage and strength she threw it down at his head and broke his skull wide open! Abimelech with hatred and malice in his heart towards her and the rest of the citizens of Thebez tried to make it look as if what she did to him was “shameful” and ” embarrassing” as if it would make him look “weak” as a man being killed by a woman that he was trying to murder, Abimelech the son of Jerubbaal made himself look weak as a man fighting a war against not only men BUT WOMEN AND CHILDREN AS WELL, TRYING TO MURDER THEM ALL, THAT’S SHAMEFUL BEHAVIOR, NO REAL MAN WOULD DO THAT TO WOMEN OR CHILDREN! He was the one who attacked Thebez, it was all his own undoing, he put himself in that situation being a fool and a punk, it is no one else’s fault but his own and he made himself look like a bigger fool as well as a bigger punk by asking his armourbearor to kill him for something that he knows he caused, “Draw thy sword, and slay me, that men say not of me, A woman slew him, and his youngman thrust him through, and he died.” So what the woman did to him was not shameful or embarrassing for him as a man, since he was trying to murder her and there was no other weapons up there to use, so thank Our Heavenly Father that she saved all of thier lives, her people must have celebrated her for her act of righteousness and valor. Real men do not deminish women, real men build up women! And men like Abimelech who look down on women and try to deminish them, are actually looking down on themselves and deminishing themselves as well as tgier masculinity. And doing the time.of Judges that was unfortunatly the culture which was and is Lucifer’s culture. I would love to have a wife like Deborah, Jael and the woman of Thebez! And can you do one on the true enterpretation about what really happened between Jael and Sisera in that tent? Lots of scholars are saying that Jael killed Sisera to stop him from raping her since Judges 5 deos not talk about any sleeping and said that Jael killed Sisera at her feet while he was awake.
February 15, 2024 at 5:43 pm
I have found the true interpretation of what happened in the tent between Jael and Sisera! The milk and water are euphemisms for sex and the covering if Sisera twice and Judges 4:17 SATs he went to Jael’s tent and he went there to take Jael! You can see this in Judges 5:27 when it says “At her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay down:” and apparently there was a fight that happened after he had raped her and Jael used the hammer as a weapon and hit Sisera in the head and knocked him out ( Our Heavenly Father gave her DIVINE STRENGTH! Also called HYSTERICAL STRENGTH!) And in Judges 5:30 It talks about dividing prey to every man a damsel or two! Sisera was going to take Jael back to his people as a prize to be made into a sex slave to be raped again and then murdered! So Our Heavenly Father gave her his DIVINE STRENGTH and she found a tent peg to her tent and she hammered it through his temples and it went straight into the ground, because if Sisera had gotten back up he would’ve killed her or tried to kidnap her again! That’s why in Judges CH 5 there is no mention of sleeping and in Judges CH 4 when it says that Sisera was asleep, it really means that he was knocked out by Jael’s which she used against him in the struggle to get free from strong grip of his hand! And this is why Sisera didn’t want anyone to know that he was in her tent, because he knew that he should of not have been in there and that he uncovered a man’s nakedness because when a man strips and rapes a married woman he is uncovering the nakedness of the husband because no man sees the woman’s body but her husband! This is the reason why Our Heavenly Father smiles upon and blessed Jael above women in the tents because she killed Sisera in self-defense and Our Heavenly Father gave her extra and extraordinary DIVINE STRENGTH to help her overcome her enemy Sisera! Sisera spent 20 years oppressing Israelite women and raping them and making sex slaves out of them, he finally met his match and dies literally in the soft,smooth, strong,girly, kind and compassionate hands of his female victim!
April 2, 2024 at 3:17 pm
And also when Jael’s murder would’ve been as a sacrifice to the Canaanite gods! I am glad that she stood up for herself and put Sisera in his place! A movie needs to be made about Deborah, Barak, Jael and The Woman of Thebez!
April 15, 2024 at 5:28 pm
So I have already answered your question, he loves strong women, just because he made use men stronger than you women does not mean that he made you all to be weak! And a woman can lift hundreds and hundreds of pounds and she will still look like a woman! Those masculine looking women that lift weights and are bodybuilding and stuff like that, look like men because they take male hormones and steroids.