Do I let my kid veg out all summer?

Reading Time: 6 minutes

summer Back in high school, I took a crazy-cool trip with an organization, performing evangelistic street theater as we camped through Europe. It was unforgettable.

But I’m sure it was no easy feat. Our team consisted of 90 teenagers (not a typo). Tents were lined up with military precision, and meals were planned down to the number of boxes of macaroni and the packets of oatmeal.

In a similar spirit, free time wasn’t called free time, but “O Time”: Organized time. As in, be intentional. Don’t fritter it away.

I’ve thought about this as an adult–the healthy part of it, and the unhealthy part. I like to be intentional about free time, because mine feels like it vanishes like a bunny in a hat. And then hops away with tenacity and feeling. I hate that feeling of “Oh, shoot! I wanted to bake a mincemeat pie and ride my unicycle, and instead I got distracted by watching Dick Van Dyke reruns.”

Or y’know. Whatever.

I mean, did Jesus have “O Time”? Was he that intentional? Or is that making even my Sabbath…distinctly American? (If you wrestle with this like I do, please, please click here for Ideas to Take Back Your Sabbath.)

Though I learned so many things that summer, something was lost for my particular overachieving, people-pleasing, never-let-them-see-you-rest personality (/sins). Something about O Time felt absent of the grace to simply…be.

Know Your Kids

So as you evaluate how to steer your kids in the long, lazy days of summer, I’d first observe your kids and their personality.

Do you have

a little overachiever, who’s already worked their way through the entire summer reading list at the library?
one whose thumbs you are concerned may fall off from gaming or texting?
one whose energy just might kick a hole in the wall if you don’t do something, and fast?
such a little extrovert that you have considered installing permanent friends in the house for the summer?
a bookworm that might never interact with society unless forced?

Determine Your End Game–and Consider their Input

What would a full, wholehearted, rich summer look like from your perspective, and your kids’? This part of “O Time” is great: Intentionality, so you don’t get to August without riding your metaphorical unicycle.

Think (prayerfully) about questions like these.

What are my individual kids’ weaknesses?
What are their strengths?
What are my strengths as a parent…and my typical blindspots? (I get overcommitted. I have my nose buried in work. I’m prone to let them drown in video games.)
Is there anything I think we need a break from while school’s out? (A group of friends with a negative impact. Disrespect that’s gotten out of hand. Screen time with no structure.)
What’s one area of behavior, skills, talent, etc. I’d love to see each of my kids grow in?
Forget about what the rest of the world says about success for a minute. What would God value in my summer? What am I sensing our family needs?

Make Sure Your Kids Know How to Rest and Enjoy God

If even our summers are overcommitted, taxing, and structured to the hilt, our kids might not develop that essential need to sink into God’s Sabbaths, his times of feasting and pure happiness (again–a post that’s In Praise of Sabbath). Contrary to popular belief, summer vacation didn’t start so kids could help in the fields.

Interestingly, there aren’t a lot of Bible verses about playing. But I did find a reference to peace and prosperity in Zion: “And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets” (Zechariah 8:5).

Sounds like a happy city, to God, has some playtime for kids.

I also think that in general, Western families run at the pace of Navy SEALs with ADHD, maybe being chased by a swarm of bees carrying horsewhips. Are we setting patterns that “normal” means running at max capacity?

Are we communicating, subtly as a bullhorn, that we should always be performing, always achieving, always pushing ourselves, always on?

Create a Little Sanity with a Nice Mix of Structure and Freedom

So basically, I have minimal theology backing this up. Most of my thoughts are cultural–like the fact that my kids will be working their entire lives.

Or that kids learn immensely through play.

Or that, like in this post, there’s A Mountain of [Surprising] Reasons to Get Our Kids Outdoors this Summer (…and Maybe Follow Them).

For What It’s Worth: What We Do during the Summer

I’m not setting our family up as some stellar example. (That would be a bad idea.) But if we were standing together at the playground, this is what I’d tell you.

Chores.

I’m still linking chores to screen time, though my kids are old enough not to use the popsicle stick system. My kids do two chores for 20 minutes of screen time. They get an extra 5 for making their bed, and an extra 5 for doing a quiet time. Those chores could involve anything from raking to folding laundry to making dinner.

Creative spiritual disciplines.

Most of them have selected a reward of their choice, and agreed on a goal with me of how many Bible verses they’re willing to memorize to achieve their “prize.” Click here for the Spiritual Disciplines for Real Families series. There are a ton of (actually fun) ideas.

Serve someone other than yourself.

I’ve asked them each to select a way they could serve the church or another family over the summer.

Behavior.

We’ve noticed an uptick in disrespect…so have implemented a 10-pushup rule for overreacting and rude responses.

One of my children may or may not have done 140 pushups in one day last week. (But I put the penalty on myself, too–and had to do 30 on a day when I was not responding very much like Jesus. But the same son tells me I will be ripped.)

Skills.

School-wise, my suppressed inner homeschooler has decided my kids will do 30 minutes of school. Usually, this means alternating between something they’re great at, and something that’s hard for them.

So my sophmore is interested in political science, and alternates with studying for the PSAT and doing Dave Ramsey’s curriculum for high schoolers.
Another son is taking online cooking classes and practicing his instrument.
My daughter loves the online Always IceCream, in which she plays educational games/writes stories or articles/designs in a safe online community in order to get “scoops” as currency for their online store. She’ll do this year-round, but my youngest son just uses their brother site, Clever Dragons for the summer.
My youngest is also working on writing a story, and he and I have some moments learning piano. (You get the idea.)

The Usual Suspects

My kids will go to youth group and camp and Grandma’s, and will participate in some sports. It works for our family because living in a small town, they can easily bike to a lot of activities.

Don’t miss the links below for lots of creative ideas for kids on break.

Lotsa Books.

We go to the library and cart home more than our proportionate share of books–mostly stuff that just interests my kids, but I also ask them to pick up one they can learn something from. I purchase some strategic (usually highly visual) used books and leave them out (this summer I’m getting a reading list from this book and this one), usually finding one languishing with a kid in an arm chair.

We do some read-alouds at night, and check out audiobooks from the virtual library, too.

But You Work from Home during the Summer, Right?

Well. That’s the idea anyway. So the structure helps. (I get up early to get work done while the kids sleep in. It takes some pressure off when they start fighting. Maybe they can come fight at your house?)

I work from home so I can be a part of their moments. So as much as the stress has ratcheted up…it’s worth it for me to be here, which sometimes means stepping away and just making fun happen.

I also find having friends over–that whole “subtraction by addition” thing–works well for us.

But sometimes it just means I schedule something fun a few times a week: Going to the army surplus store. Making waffles for breakfast. Calling kids’ friends to join us as I work poolside at the local aquatic center.

And not being afraid of my kids being bored. Because pretty soon, bored makes kids creative.

It was literally snowing here in Colorado during the first two days of summer break–so my kids decided to have a cooking competition. I won’t tell you about the mess they had to clean up–but the afternoon of creativity was well worth it. They got the science experiment book I love out, too.

THE AWKWARD MOM

because uncomfortable conversations are the ones worth having