A note from Janel:
This week, I’m welcoming guest authors Donna Kushner and Amy Schulte, a mother-daughter team who, in Amy’s childhood, served as missionaries in Palestine. Both currently work with refugees in professional and personal capacities. (I personally worked with Donna on a free resource to guide immigrant and refugee families into healing.)
This is one of those posts where I’m not an expert, just a mom. (Um, most of my posts?!)
But maybe these small ideas will help. And if I’m smart, I’ll keep this short, right?
A missionary friend told me once of a person she’d spoken with who, as a child in Africa, was slapped every time she asked a question.
I was moved by the person’s insight: “You don’t just stop asking questions,” they’d mused to my friend.
Reading Time: 5 minutes
So maybe like me, you got the automated notice from the school yesterday that your kids–surprise!–have an extra week of spring break next week, because #coronavirus.
And maybe like me, a member of your family braved Costco this week. Or maybe you now possess a weird amount of toilet paper–which according to a meme I saw yesterday, is now the bottom rung of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
But at least two kids I know have grappled with anxiety because of what they’re seeing in stores and on the news. They’re picking up on the weirdness.
How does one go about discussing a pandemic with children? What should we keep in mind as we help kids deal?
Yes, I have stacks of canned tuna slowly taking over my laundry room (which doubles as pantry and closet–the room, not the tuna). But kids are taking their cues from us.
So my husband and I are targeting “calm honesty” about coronavirus with the kids…as an outflow of what we’re seeking to cultivate in our own hearts.
Remember: We want kids to be able to come to us with their questions and feel like they’ll find both the truth and a safe place for their fears.
As R.C. Sproul has said,
If there is one single molecule in this universe running around loose, totally free of God’s sovereignty, then we have no guarantee that a single promise of God will ever be fulfilled.
That is to say, coronavirus is on God’s leash. Every iteration goes through his throne room.
That’s not to say “safety” looks like “no one I love will get this virus, and I will have all the toilet paper I need”. Instead, it’s saying, Lord, this is what I want. But your will be done (see Luke 22:42).
Preparedness is lauded throughout Scripture–in Proverbs (like 31:25, 6:6-11), in the Gospels (like Matthew 7:24-27 and Luke 4:28). I personally consider constant news-monitoring a non-constructive anxiety-stoker. But when I see a storm coming, I do shut the windows and have the kids pick up their bikes from the yard, y’know?
But there’s another kind of preparedness to have that I guarantee you CNN has said nothing about. Let’s be ready, in conversation with concerned friends, to give a reason for the unwavering hope we have–making the most of every opportunity (1 Peter 3:15).
Is this one more prone to anxiety? Does this one need more information, or another one more external processing time? know your kids’ weaknesses and how they deal with stress.
Treat them as individuals–maybe with a side of hot cocoa, sitting on the sofa–to deal with what concerns each of them.
One of my teens is on the “this is an overreaction” track. One of my kids was in tears from the month-long cancellation of all of his favorite extracurriculars.
But this is about protecting the most vulnerable of our population. In that way, how we respond is missional and compassionate.
Who wants to be the person who infects someone who’s immunocompromised? No one.
Let’s pray that the Church shines right now in her protection and advocacy for the weak. As people, let’s reiterate our trust in God–rather than merely the science or material goods he gives.
And friends, let’s be generous. A time of shortage may be near when we can love our neighbor as ourselves through generosity. Let’s be the Church.
Not even on snow days do you get this kind of weather with no place to go. So avoid cabin fever and choose to settle in.
Order a few used chapter books. Roll out some butcher paper for a mural. Order a tie-dye kit. Make waffles. Play this family version of the newlywed game. Put out a puzzle.
Spend a little extra time with a child tucked under your arm, just talking–because stuff like this needs extra talk-time.
During this extra school time off, grab 5 minutes a day to talk about a related Scripture:
Taped by our sinks are now reminders for them to mentally sing “Happy Birthday” twice while washing. We’ve also got reminders for them to eat mindfully (#teenagers). Get them to cough in their elbows, wash before eating, and all that good stuff.
These aren’t just guidelines or rules: Connect this to loving others well and caring for people. (Protecting someone is a great reason to lather on a little sanitizer.)
Who’s one more vulnerable person in this time who your child can pray for each day? (Gently remind them each day, or set a time–like bedtime–when you’ll pray together.)
So you can understand what it’s like to view the world at three feet tall right now, ask questions about what your kids are seeing and hearing. (Remember how Jesus would ask people questions even when he knew the answers? This is a chance to relate to those we love, to receive their stories and perspectives.)
Even now, God stacks gifts all around us: Information. Public health training. That bottle of hand sanitizer you unearthed in the pantry. Good health for your kids’ grandparents. That friend of yours who just arrived home from Europe in time. An extra off to enjoy each other–and an instantly less-busy schedule. Peace because even in a worse-case scenario, those of us who believe have Jesus and heaven.
Help kids choose trust rather than fear by thanking God sincerely for the ways you see his kindness. This isn’t Pollyanna, bright-side thinking.
This is choosing the joy God offers to us as anchor.
Friends, I am so thankful for a God who knit every cell of us together in our mother’s wombs (Psalm 139:13-14). He has weathered us through the non-events (like Y2K) and the true tragedies (like 9/11) alike.
May we shelter beneath him, and find reason to sing (Psalm 63:7).
Reading Time: 2 minutes
So my husband is a classic introvert, which may (rightly) make you wonder what it’s like being married to a person like yours truly.
He’s also a friendly introvert. His entire occupation is dedicated to taking care of people, and sometimes his entire day is full of meetings. With, y’know, people who talk.
That is to say, sometimes he arrives home with The Look on his face.
The Look is a very kind one, mind you. It’s just a little strained around the edges, bulging with other people’s words he’s been kindly receiving all day.
I, on the other hand, work at home all day. So I’m delighted to see him! My best friend to process with! Yippee!
Uh-huh.
So together, he and I have learned a lot about this funny dance when one of you likes to externally process more than the other. We’ve actually got a good rhythm–but it’s not one we just woke up with one day.
I’m writing over at FamilyLife.com today about 7 Ideas to Get Your Husband to Talk to You.
Want to hop over and check it out?
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Playing with a friend in Uganda
A couple of weeks ago my trusty Subaru was packed with a bunch of sweaty kids (mine), headed home from our organization’s picnic. The mood was light, the windows down. We played two of my admittedly weird games:
The first was pretty hysterical, peppered with some interjections about
The second was just cool, in part because my kids didn’t skip a beat. They could see themselves doing something to help the powerless, and they could see it specifically.
Sure, their dreams may be a little off of actual future reality (“I’m going to run a restaurant in Indonesia and give people jobs and give out water filters”). But as a starting point? I really liked it.
What this is not: some “I’ve got my act together, and you should, too!” post. (Trust me. That is not the current theme of my parenting.) This is more of, “What if poverty awareness was easier to create in our family cultures than we think?”
Reading Time: 4 minutes
The horrific news from Florida has all of us reeling. It’s leaving far more questions than answers in its wake. And it’s possible your kids are contending with some of the same questions we as parents are: “Is my school safe?” (If it helps, Keys for Kids just posted this devotional story to read with your kids.)
A few thoughts as you consider what to say to them.
Reading Time: 6 minutes
So people expect my light fixtures to, say, look like I swiped them from my church in the eighties. They anticipate that when I serve lemonade, it will cascade from an ugly plastic pitcher.
Perspective is everything.
Randy Alcorn explains in his (highly-recommended) The Treasure Principle, “The more things we own—the greater their total mass, the more they grip us, setting us in orbit around them.”
Reading Time: 6 minutes
So people expect my light fixtures to, say, look like I swiped them from my church in the eighties. They anticipate that when I serve lemonade, it will cascade from an ugly plastic pitcher.
Perspective is everything.
Randy Alcorn explains in his (highly-recommended) The Treasure Principle, “The more things we own—the greater their total mass, the more they grip us, setting us in orbit around them.”
![Now You're Speaking My [Love] Language](https://www.janelbreitenstein.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/love-languages-text-1.jpg "Now You're Speaking My [Love] Language")
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