THE AWKWARD MOM

because uncomfortable conversations are the ones worth having

Tag: love languages

Just My Type: Enneagram Compatibility (INFOGRAPHIC)

Reading Time: 3 minutes

I first took the enneagram about a year ago when my family mentioned it. (Yes, my whole family talks about this kind of stuff. If you’re into a sports team or politics, we might not be able to help you out).

With a husband who’s a Human Resources exec, you can bet I’ve taken my share of personality tests. (I’ve even tried to outwit some of them?)

Personally, the enneagram has brought me more self-knowledge–knowledge that actually helped me truly change–than any of the others. I even keep basic profiles on my Kindle. (Yeah. I’m one of those.) With 207 subtypes, I’ve found it to be fairly accurate for me, which hasn’t always been the case with other profiles. read more

Best Posts of 2018!

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Blogging can be a little too much like having an imaginary friend.

Picture sitting at the smallest table at your coffee shop. (I’m having a seasonal special with half of the pumps, decaf. …Because as someone told me, with natural enthusiasm like mine, I should remain uncaffeinated. You?) read more

Love, Disappointed: How We’re Misled by Love Languages

Reading Time: 4 minutes

So you already know I’m into This is Usat least we’ve got that out of the way. (Still waiting for an episode that doesn’t make me blink away tears. Good grief. I am such a sap.)

But there were two moments I resonated with in the last episode–which, if you’re a parent of a teenager, or a child in general, will likely echo with you even if you have no idea what I’m talking about.

Twice, an adult character was talking with a teen close to them. And they were each shut down with finality. Both of the adult characters, disappointment etched on their faces, simply had to absorb their rejection.

Freebie Fridays: FREE Printable Love Languages “Cheat Sheet”

Reading Time: 2 minutes

freebie-fridays

If you’re new to the “love languages” concept, check out the 5 Love Languages website. love languages text

Happy Friday, everyone! This week I’m excited to offer this free, printable 5-page “Cheat Sheet” to the 5 Love Languages: Twenty practical, innovative ideas per love language: words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, physical touch, and quality time. (If you’re not sure which of the love languages your spouse, kids, and friends “speak”, try this quiz.) Print them all, or only the love languages you need. read more

Ten Discussion Questions to Take Your Relationships Deeper in 2016—Set #6

Reading Time: < 1 minute

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New to these questions? See these notes first, along with Set #1 .

  1. Talk about a realization (or more than one) that changed your perspective and understanding of a past event. (i.e. I found out the parents of that bully in school were getting a divorce. I discovered I’d totally misunderstood my sister’s perspective, and she hadn’t been malicious at all.)
  2. When you get to heaven, what are some questions you hope to ask God?
  3. When is one time in life when you felt most alone?
  4. What’s one regret you have of your past? (Have you sought forgiveness from God and the people you affected?)
  5. What are some of your greatest strengths as a spouse?
  6. What is one of your greatest weaknesses as a spouse?
  7. What are some of your greatest strengths as a parent?
  8. What is one of your greatest weaknesses as a parent?
  9. What are your dreams for your kids?
  10. For what do you pray most often?

Like these? Consider subscribing to A Generous Grace and receive a FREE E-BOOK of Discussion Questions to Better Understand Your Family’s Subculture. They’re great to process with a friend, spouse, or small group. read more

Ten Discussion Questions to Take Your Relationships Deeper in 2016—Set #5

Reading Time: 2 minutes

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New to these questions? See these notes first, along with Set #1 .

  1. When you are looking back at your parenting, what is one thing do you suspect you’ll wish you did differently?
  2. What specific action makes you feel most loved? (i.e. If someone listens to me. If someone touches me. If someone asks me good questions and draws me out. For more ideas on this, see these posts on 20 practical ideas for each love language.)
  3. A previous question asked about one of the highest compliments you’ve ever received. Talk about meaningful things people have said to you (not necessarily compliments). (i.e. I felt validated when someone with whom I’d had a conflict for a long time came and apologized. Or, My dad said he was proud of the man I’d become.)
  4. If you could take a class or learn a skill, what would that class or skill be?
  5. What do you daydream about?
  6. A previous question mentioned what made you feel immediately connected or disconnected to a person. What qualities do you immediately find magnetic about a person—and what qualities are immediately off-putting?
  7. At what times in your life have you felt closest to God, or when do you feel closest to God now?
  8. When Jesus was tempted in the Bible (Matthew 4), he was tempted by three key lies. What lies about yourself or reality or God are you most likely to believe—in the “tapes” that play over and over in your head? (Talk together about God’s truth that would counter those lies, like Jesus did.)
  9. Talk about a realization (or more than one) that changed your perspective and understanding of your parents. (i.e. I had no idea my dad had experienced that. I was clueless to the pressures my mom was facing. I see now that my expectations were largely unrealistic.
  10. What are symptoms that tell you that you’re weary and/or not doing well? (i.e. I snap at my kids. When I wake up in the morning, my jaw is sore. I daydream about being alone and doing whatever I want.)

Like these? Consider subscribing to A Generous Grace and receive a FREE E-BOOK of Discussion Questions to Better Understand Your Family’s Subculture. They’re great to process with a friend, spouse, or small group. read more

Now you’re speaking my [love] language: 20 ways to express affection through quality time

Reading Time: 3 minutes

5.Head to an event together--a ball game, a concert, a play, a lecture, a comedian--and grab a bite to eat before or after. 6.Go for a walk or hike together. 7.Exercise together. You might even set a goal (“let’s do P90-X!” “let’s run a 5K!” “Let’s see if we can bench that much by the end of the month!).

Now you’re speaking my [love] language: Showing affection through gifts

Reading Time: 3 minutes

1.The key with communicating in this love language (so I'm told) is to study the recipient well, and communicate your understanding of him or her through the gift. It's not about the size, but the intentional, knowing thoughtfulness, a demonstration of I get you. I see you. 2.Purchase tickets for the event you know he or she would love. 3.Have a cup of coffee (or a favorite morning beverage) ready when he or she comes out in the morning--just the way they like it--or a snack when they arrive home.

Now you’re speaking my [love] language: 20 ways to express affection through physical touch

Reading Time: 2 minutes

1.Put an arm around his or her shoulder. 2.Hug them in the morning, or when they arrive home, or to wish them good night. 3.Sit next to each other while watching a movie. 4.Throw your arms around their neck while they’re sitting in a chair.

Now you’re speaking my [love] language: 20 ideas to show love through words of affirmation

Reading Time: 2 minutes

love languages text

If you’re new to the love languages concept, check out the 5 Love Languages website. And here’s their post on The Power of Affirming Words.

  1. Scrawl a note on a napkin in their lunch: Praying for you today. So proud of you.
  2. Use a dry erase marker on the mirror, or on glazed wall tiles: You rock my world. Thanks for being you.
  3. “I respect you so much for your ability to __.”
  4. Send a text after the big day, meeting, presentation, or test, checking up on how it went and reminding them you were praying. (Set a reminder on your phone or computer if you need help remembering!)
  5. “Even on days when you’re ___, I’m so glad you’re mine.”
  6. “Am I making you feel understood?”
  7. Leave sticky note on their steering wheel or in their backpack. Just to let you know that I love you.
  8. “Your _[personality trait]_ is so just what our family needs.”
  9. Send a love note or, for a child, a letter through the mail, just letting them know what you appreciate about them. Be descriptive and sincere.
  10. Get specific: “You do ___ really well.”
  11. “Tell me more about what that was/is like for you.”
  12. On small strips of paper, write or type things you love about them and great memories you have. Wrap them around individual candies of his or her favorite kind!
  13. “When you did ___ for me, it made my day go so much easier/made my day. Thanks for doing that!”
  14. Remember: Go for quality of words more than quantity. Communicate that when you affirm them, your words aren’t inflated; they’re trustworthy.
  15. “Looking at circumstances, I’m getting the idea that you might not be feeling very ___ lately. Wanted to let you know that I see so much _[character quality]_ in you, and at the risk of sounding corny–I’m proud of you.”
  16. “You make me so happy just by being you.”
  17. Send an e-mail or Facebook message: Just wanted to let you know that I’ve seen the way you’re trying so hard to ___. I love it, and I love you.
  18. “Got a minute to tell me how you’ve been–really? I’d love to get the inside story on what you’ve been thinking about and going through.”
  19. “I respect you so much for the way you ___.”
  20. “I realize you and I haven’t been completely on the same page recently. Just wanted to let you know I’d never trade the privilege of being your[mom/dad/husband/wife]. And I’m totally committed to working on our relationship so we can understand and enjoy each other.”
For more ideas, check out  52 Things to Say to Make Your Child Feel Great and 50 Things to Say to Make Your Husband Feel Great. 

What has someone said to you that made your day–or changed you?

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