1. I set a goal for myself while jogging: If I can only make it to that goat.
- Everyone speaks more languages than I do.
- I have partaken of creatures I would normally not consume by choice, e.g. fish eyes, grasshoppers, and the like.
- People dispose of trash by simply throwing it out the window.
- A healthy percentage of my most delightful friends were born a hemisphere away from where I was.
- I avoid unfiltered water like the Plague. Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the Plague in there.
- My pothole-per-mile ratio exceeds 136:1.
- The concept of “home” feels bewildering.
- I answer to a wide variety of names that sound entirely different than the one I’ve answered to for the majority of my adult life.
- Fruit and other materials labeled “exotic” in my home country are available at that little wooden stand down the street.
- My children asked for a raise in their allowance based on the increasing value of the dollar.
- My electrical company is perpetually listed in my phone’s recent contacts.
- Sometimes home feels like camping.
- Despite the lack of familiarity, there is something about the place I live that makes I feel so…alive.
- I adopt an accent when speaking, say, at the supermarket.
- My suitcase is filled with odd items, like 6 of the same deodorant, 18 months of underwear for six people, eight pounds of chocolate chips, and 12 jars of B vitamins. My carry-on is where I stash the Hot Tamales and six packs of Slim Jims.
- People attempt to compliment me by calling me “fat”, or in regards to my status, a “big woman.” …Yeah. Thanks.
- Ants in my home don’t even capture my attention anymore unless in vast quantities or floating in my drink.
- The last trip to the States found me saying, “What in the world is ‘Apple TV’?”
- I are content with my “dumb” phone, because pretty much everyone else has one, and if it falls in the toilet (or pit latrine) I can afford to replace it.
- Cops stop me because I are more likely to be a source of cash.
- “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” gets me all sniffy.
- My bed is shrouded in netting, but somehow my arms and legs still have telltale welts of those little (literal) suckers.
- I keep toilet paper in my glove box. Because public toilets, when I can find them, are BYO TP.
- I give up asking for decaffeinated coffee, because people don’t really know what that is (or why you would drink it), nor do they have it.
- I can pronounce all of the ingredients in my food.
- I am feeling a whole lot more deft with the metric system lately.
- My employer contemplates sending out regular deworming reminders via e-mail.