THE AWKWARD MOM

because uncomfortable conversations are the ones worth having

Category: time management (page 1 of 2)

4+ Ways to Get More Out of Summer with Kids

Reading Time: 4 minutes

summer with kids

There’s always this weird tension for me when summer break splats on our family like an ice cream cone on a sidewalk. 

The kids are fatigued, even exhausted, from school. Heck, I’m tired from the school year. read more

Why Supermoms are Destined for Super-Stress

Reading Time: 4 minutes

supermom stress

So now that I’m a mom of teenagers and all their weirdness, we talk about things like we did last week: Is it okay to date a non-Christian?

This naturally means I have introduced things like oxen into our conversations before (cue the “unequally yoked” verse, 2 Corinthians 6:14). What’s a good dating conversation without lowing livestock?

But it’s easier for them to understand the conveyor belts.

Imagine you’re on one of the conveyor belts for people at the airport. Now, imagine trying to hold hands with someone on the belt headed the opposite way.

How’s that going to work out?

It works for a dating illustration. But that assumes all of me is headed in one direction.

A Hades of Conveyor Belts

Have you ever felt like the conveyor belts inside of you are headed all over the place?

I’ve noticed lately that when I’m not rested–physically, emotionally, and spiritually listening to God’s rhythms and my own limitations–I am more scattered.

And from the perspective of a girl coming from Africa? Americans are scattered a lot.

Now I’m one of them. Huzzah.

I compare this to what, in Hebrew, is known as the shema (pronounced she-MA), the most important Jewish prayer. Here’s the beginning:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)

It fascinates me that God is described, of all things, as one. He is utterly unified.

And then we are commanded to be utterly unified, loving God with all of us.

Nope. This is not me

Compare this to verses describing us as double-minded, like James 1:8–describing the person who doesn’t have faith. I see one conveyor belt motoring this person to obey God, and one delivering her away.

In fact, later in James, we are told to “purify your hearts, you double-minded” (4:8). In case that seems weird–linking purity with double-mindedness–think of gold. Purified gold is one substance.  

Like God. (i.e, Not like yours truly.)

The Push/Pull of Stress

Observation: I am stressed by my desires pushing me in different ways. By demands I care about, pulling me–Supermom Wannabe–nearly apart. Like Gumby in mom jeans.

From one supermom wannabe to another: With all this, it is hard to do things wholeheartedly.

When I am with my children, I may not fully be with them. I may not be enjoying it because I wish I could be sleeping, or might be anxious about finishing all my client wants me to do.

(Ever felt like you’re different people when you’re with different groups of friends? You’re getting this.)

I’m the classic example of “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other…” (Matthew 6:24).

My conveyor belts are headed all over the place, and usually away from each other–maybe with a confused kid holding a teddy bear on one.

Stress–and Compensation

In Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, Ruth Haley Barton quotes a doctor who explains how many fewer tests he orders when he has rest.

The doctor explains that when he hasn’t rested, his intuition feels off. He wonders what he’s missing. He orders more tests to compensate.

Anyone else do this? In momspeak, throwing activities up on their schedule without intentionality or thought? 

Here’s the caveat of all of this: Rest will not make me unified.

Until heaven, I will not be driven by one desire, into all the right directions.

I will always be sacrificing something to pursue the higher desire.

Like an Olympian who doesn’t buy chips at the grocery store, I have to say the right no’s to get to the right yeses. (If I go to the store hungry, my cart is likely to be full of a whole lotta Ruffles.)

woman supermom stress

Supermom Allure

But I do think Western culture exaggerates this in us, with its smorgasboard of ways to satisfy our appetites.

Part of the allure of the Supermom is to do it all. Have the meaningful career, thriving kids, authentic friends, toned body, chic wardrobe, magazine-perfect house, intimate marriage, Pinterest-perfect birthday parties, rejuvenating hobbies.

If I may put it delicately? That, my friends, is a Supermom crock.

These women, myself among them all too often, will be stressed because they have, like, 42 conveyor belts.

But God’s solution is not less desires. It’s to love Him with all of myself; all my desires (see the shema). My whole heart.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

Teach me your way, O Lord,  that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. (Psalm 86:11)

One conveyor belt. One direction.

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Do I let my kid veg out all summer?

Reading Time: 6 minutes

summerBack in high school, I took a crazy-cool trip with an organization, performing evangelistic street theater as we camped through Europe. It was unforgettable.

But I’m sure it was no easy feat. Our team consisted of 90 teenagers (not a typo). Tents were lined up with military precision, and meals were planned down to the number of boxes of macaroni and the packets of oatmeal.

In a similar spirit, free time wasn’t called free time, but “O Time”: Organized time. As in, be intentional. Don’t fritter it away.

I’ve thought about this as an adult–the healthy part of it, and the unhealthy part. I like to be intentional about free time, because mine feels like it vanishes like a bunny in a hat. And then hops away with tenacity and feeling. I hate that feeling of “Oh, shoot! I wanted to bake a mincemeat pie and ride my unicycle, and instead I got distracted by watching Dick Van Dyke reruns.”

Or y’know. Whatever.

I mean, did Jesus have “O Time”? Was he that intentional? Or is that making even my Sabbath…distinctly American? (If you wrestle with this like I do, please, please click here for Ideas to Take Back Your Sabbath.)

Though I learned so many things that summer, something was lost for my particular overachieving, people-pleasing, never-let-them-see-you-rest personality (/sins). Something about O Time felt absent of the grace to simply…be.

Know Your Kids

So as you evaluate how to steer your kids in the long, lazy days of summer, I’d first observe your kids and their personality.

Do you have

  • a little overachiever, who’s already worked their way through the entire summer reading list at the library?
  • one whose thumbs you are concerned may fall off from gaming or texting?
  • one whose energy just might kick a hole in the wall if you don’t do something, and fast?
  • such a little extrovert that you have considered installing permanent friends in the house for the summer?
  • a bookworm that might never interact with society unless forced?

summer

Determine Your End Game–and Consider their Input

What would a full, wholehearted, rich summer look like from your perspective, and your kids’? This part of “O Time” is great: Intentionality, so you don’t get to August without riding your metaphorical unicycle.

Think (prayerfully) about questions like these.

  • What are my individual kids’ weaknesses?
  • What are their strengths?
  • What are my strengths as a parent…and my typical blindspots? (I get overcommitted. I have my nose buried in work. I’m prone to let them drown in video games.)
  • Is there anything I think we need a break from while school’s out? (A group of friends with a negative impact. Disrespect that’s gotten out of hand. Screen time with no structure.)
  • What’s one area of behavior, skills, talent, etc. I’d love to see each of my kids grow in?
  • Forget about what the rest of the world says about success for a minute. What would God value in my summer? What am I sensing our family needs?

Make Sure Your Kids Know How to Rest and Enjoy God

If even our summers are overcommitted, taxing, and structured to the hilt, our kids might not develop that essential need to sink into God’s Sabbaths, his times of feasting and pure happiness (again–a post that’s In Praise of Sabbath). Contrary to popular belief, summer vacation didn’t start so kids could help in the fields.

Interestingly, there aren’t a lot of Bible verses about playing. But I did find a reference to peace and prosperity in Zion: “And the streets of the city shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets” (Zechariah 8:5).

Sounds like a happy city, to God, has some playtime for kids.

I also think that in general, Western families run at the pace of Navy SEALs with ADHD, maybe being chased by a swarm of bees carrying horsewhips. Are we setting patterns that “normal” means running at max capacity?

Are we communicating, subtly as a bullhorn, that we should always be performing, always achieving, always pushing ourselves, always on?

summer

Create a Little Sanity with a Nice Mix of Structure and Freedom

So basically, I have minimal theology backing this up. Most of my thoughts are cultural–like the fact that my kids will be working their entire lives.

Or that kids learn immensely through play.

Or that, like in this post, there’s A Mountain of [Surprising] Reasons to Get Our Kids Outdoors this Summer (…and Maybe Follow Them).

For What It’s Worth: What We Do during the Summer

I’m not setting our family up as some stellar example. (That would be a bad idea.) But if we were standing together at the playground, this is what I’d tell you.

Chores.

I’m still linking chores to screen time, though my kids are old enough not to use the popsicle stick system. My kids do two chores for 20 minutes of screen time. They get an extra 5 for making their bed, and an extra 5 for doing a quiet time. Those chores could involve anything from raking to folding laundry to making dinner.

Creative spiritual disciplines.

Most of them have selected a reward of their choice, and agreed on a goal with me of how many Bible verses they’re willing to memorize to achieve their “prize.” Click here for the Spiritual Disciplines for Real Families series. There are a ton of (actually fun) ideas.

Serve someone other than yourself.

I’ve asked them each to select a way they could serve the church or another family over the summer.

Behavior.

We’ve noticed an uptick in disrespect…so have implemented a 10-pushup rule for overreacting and rude responses.

One of my children may or may not have done 140 pushups in one day last week. (But I put the penalty on myself, too–and had to do 30 on a day when I was not responding very much like Jesus. But the same son tells me I will be ripped.)

Skills.

School-wise, my suppressed inner homeschooler has decided my kids will do 30 minutes of school. Usually, this means alternating between something they’re great at, and something that’s hard for them.

  • So my sophmore is interested in political science, and alternates with studying for the PSAT and doing Dave Ramsey’s curriculum for high schoolers.
  • Another son is taking online cooking classes and practicing his instrument.
  • My daughter loves the online Always IceCream, in which she plays educational games/writes stories or articles/designs in a safe online community in order to get “scoops” as currency for their online store. She’ll do this year-round, but my youngest son just uses their brother site, Clever Dragons for the summer.
  • My youngest is also working on writing a story, and he and I have some moments learning piano. (You get the idea.)

The Usual Suspects

My kids will go to youth group and camp and Grandma’s, and will participate in some sports. It works for our family because living in a small town, they can easily bike to a lot of activities.

Don’t miss the links below for lots of creative ideas for kids on break.

Lotsa Books.

We go to the library and cart home more than our proportionate share of books–mostly stuff that just interests my kids, but I also ask them to pick up one they can learn something from. I purchase some strategic (usually highly visual) used books and leave them out (this summer I’m getting a reading list from this book and this one), usually finding one languishing with a kid in an arm chair.

We do some read-alouds at night, and check out audiobooks from the virtual library, too.

But You Work from Home during the Summer, Right?

Well. That’s the idea anyway. So the structure helps. (I get up early to get work done while the kids sleep in. It takes some pressure off when they start fighting. Maybe they can come fight at your house?)

I work from home so I can be a part of their moments. So as much as the stress has ratcheted up…it’s worth it for me to be here, which sometimes means stepping away and just making fun happen.

I also find having friends over–that whole “subtraction by addition” thing–works well for us.

But sometimes it just means I schedule something fun a few times a week: Going to the army surplus store. Making waffles for breakfast. Calling kids’ friends to join us as I work poolside at the local aquatic center.

And not being afraid of my kids being bored. Because pretty soon, bored makes kids creative.

It was literally snowing here in Colorado during the first two days of summer break–so my kids decided to have a cooking competition. I won’t tell you about the mess they had to clean up–but the afternoon of creativity was well worth it.  They got the science experiment book I love out, too. 

Alright–enough with the monologue already.

What do you do to mix structure and fun for your kids in the summer? What activities do your kids love?

Help us out! Comment below!

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The Tech-Wise Family: 13 Next Steps

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Anyone else feel like they’re constantly fighting the tide of tech in their homes?

No, I don’t want my kids to arrive at college like a bat out of you-know-where. I want them to know how to responsibly handle tech as a tool for growth and entertainment. But this also means my husband and I are constantly seeking to add to our wisdom about protecting them.

Grab my first post, especially for families with grade-school-aged kids, here.

I keep taking “next steps” to make sure we’re managing technology…rather than the other way around.

Though my kids are no longer the age for popsicle sticks and chore charts, our screen time is still connected to chores and behavior. And it’s still monitored via an oven timer and permission.

I’ll be the first to tell you I do not feel like I have tech mastery in my home. That always feels about three steps out of my reach, and is unique to my kids and my own parenting struggles. So along with you–I’m taking that next step, y’know?

After reading through these, I wondered if a lot of you would think I’m a hover parent, or a lawnmower parent–and I guess that’s a risk I have to take. But maybe like yours, my family and some I know have already been hurt by tech that’s not on a decent leash.

I’ve decided to wager being #thatmom in order to empower you to protect the kids you love, and hand them a more promising, real-life future. (I’m actually nice in real life!)

I’d love your further thoughts and practical tips in the comments section!

1. Delete Snapchat, aka “the sexting app”.

In the post Four Things Youth Workers Would Tell Parents about Teenagers, Social Media, and Technology,  the author explains,  “We have had many teenage girls confirm that a normal experience for a teenage girl today is for a boy to ask her for naked pictures. We have not had a single girl deny this.” Snapchat can be dangerous, this post explains, because

Videos and pictures sent on Snapchat disappear after a certain period of time. Many teens and tweens have a false sense of security that anything posted will be gone in a short time. Therefore, teens on Snapchat become emboldened to post more risque pictures of themselves.

2. Phones in the basket when you get home.

Full disclosure: I’m still working on enforcing this great idea from a friend.

But having my kids stash phones in a decorative bowl of ours when they come home helps me with a handful of issues on the tech front.

  • It demonstrates that genuine presence with people in front of you are more important than virtual presence.
  • I avoid conversations with earbudded teens.
  • I steer clear of phones at the table, at bedtime, and away from accountability.
  • It keeps family time to…family.

Studies have shown that more than two hours of screen time for kids leads to emotional impairment (aggression, depression, less recognition of facial expression) and cognitive delays. These can’t be compensated for by physical exercise.

The recommended screen time by doctors for under-twos is nothing; for under-fives, it’s one hour.

3. Get a watchdog on your router.

I like using OpenDNS, a free service, on our router at home. This means that any device using our router is guarded; I choose the level of security.

I’ve also heard great things about the Circle device, available at Walmart, Amazon, and at other major retailers.

tech devices family

4. Rule: Hand over your phone immediately when asked, or lose your phone.

I’m totally #thatmom performing random checks on my kids’ devices. Honestly? My kids’ safety and well-being is more important to me than their privacy. After a friend’s child met up with a predator after online gaming, I’m not taking chances.

I regularly check internet history and texts, in particular. If someone’s trying to delete something before they hand it over, the phone is mine. #PhoneNaziandProudofIt

phone device tech

5. Last kid in the class to get a phone wins.

I appreciated the above mantra of this Silicon-Valley-employee mom in this sobering New York Times article about the measures Silicon Valley parents are putting in place to guard their kids from what they know well to be the effects of too much screen time. I’m not convinced that my need to communicate with my child at all times supersedes the dangers they face with a phone in their pockets.

My husband and I decided to allow our freshman in high school to get his first phone this year. But we do want our son to be able to handle a phone wisely before college, and given the nature of our son, we also weren’t too afraid he’d be excluded socially (again, weighed with the threats of sexting, cyberbullying, and tech addiction). We initially wanted a flip phone that didn’t have internet access; unfortunately, in our area, it was actually much cheaper month-to-month (by at least $20) to get our son a smartphone. It’s an iPhone 4, which limits his app access.

I love the idea of a phone contract with my teens. We haven’t done it yet, but who knows? Maybe this is my next step. Here’s a downloadable contract I like from blogger Josh Shipp.

Because of this, we’ve had the data on his phone turned off by the phone company. This means he can only access the internet through a router; he spends most of his time at school, the library, and home, which all have filtering devices. So we feel (slightly?) more confident he’s protected.

6. Turn off MMS.

In the article above from youth workers, I also gleaned the great piece of advice to turn off multimedia text capability on my son’s phone–which means he can receive words, but not images or videos. (He’s on a limited text plan that allows 500 texts a month; if he wants an add-on, he needs to pay for it.) Here are instructions for an iPhone and an Android.

I chose not to tell our son what I was doing (can you tell he doesn’t read his mom’s blog?); he probably thinks it’s part of having an older phone. He could figure out how to turn it off. But perhaps my mindset in all this is similar to preventing petty theft in Uganda: We’re constantly installing more stop-gap measures to make it that much harder to do bad, and easier to do good.

tech device family

7. Look up the reviews and the lyrics.

Maybe this is a “duh” for some of you parenting vets–but I’m not just concerned about the quantity of screen time. I’m concerned about the quality. Sites like PluggedIn.com and CommonSenseMedia.org help me get smart about what my kids are taking in–because I certainly don’t have time for it all.

Check out this post, too, I wrote for WeAreThatFamily.com: Guest Post: Guiding Kids through Media Choices. You’ll find some ideas on teaching kids discernment when they want to buy that Billie Eilish song.

8. Be okay with being the only parents saying no.

As if in this post, my inner media Nazi isn’t being revealed to the worldwide web, now for something completely controversial: We’ve chosen to say no…to Fortnite.  After looking up reviews, comprehending its ability to addictively consume my kids’ brains (kids playing it through the night and in class), and some of the online dangers, we’ve become #thoseparents.

Sure, maybe some of it is that minor amount of awareness I want my kids to have that we can be just fine without drinking the cultural Kool Aid. But I also think that even if everything is permissible, not everything builds my kids’ minds and hearts (1 Corinthians 10:23).

9. Stay in the know about cyberbulling, cyberporn, and video gaming.

Here’s a radio broadcast on all three, as well as some bonus internet safety tips from the same guy.

10. If you’re using a screen, be out in the open.

Back in the day, when I was in high school, I remember one Christian radio personality saying, “Take the TV out of your child’s bedroom, and replace it with a computer!” Anyone else determine how this could be really bad advice now?

In general, we don’t allow screens in bedrooms. But even more, our general guideline is that if you’re on a screen, someone should be able to immediately walk in a room and see what’s on it. Sometimes that even means switching chairs. This prevents our kids from not only being victims, but also bullies.

tech devices families

11. Have a tech curfew in your house.

Blue light interferes with sleep waves–and our kids need help creating no-tech zones in their lives. Maybe this means no video games on weekdays for your house, or just that your kids are off devices well before bedtime.

This mom of teens writes,

According to The Seattle Times,  our teenagers may need our help powering down. Self-control is not fully developed in teen brains, so it can be hard for teenagers to voluntarily turn off a video game or close out of Instagram, the article said. One expert said giving teenagers smartphones without any restrictions is like offering them an unlimited supply of Häagen Dazs ice cream and telling them not to eat too much.

12. If you’re on social media, your parent is (literally) your “friend.” Consider a social media contract.

If kids are on social media, make sure you have all passwords for their accounts, keeping an eye on their activity.

Here’s one example of another mom’s social media contract.

13. Limit online gaming.

We’ve decided that when gaming, our kids can’t communicate through text or audio. My kids have real-life friends we can vet and enjoy, so I don’t feel the need for online relationships with “kids” around the world.

Your turn.

Please, help us out!

What do you do to manage tech wisely in your home?

Comment below.

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18 Dashboard-Light Questions: Am I Overcommitted?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

dashboard overcommitted

After the all-too-recent my-kid-might-have-lymphoma scare? There are some things that have been going right.

For one, after a year of doing my freelance writing and marketing for my only employment, I filed for my own business. I am now the owner of Fresh Ink, LLC. So that’s pretty cool.

And somehow, I’m receiving a windfall of client possibilities and realities I’m pretty excited about.

But something was strange this week: at least two days where I dealt with anxiety. Not panic attacks or anything of that sort–though I know those are real for many people. But more of a low-lying GAHHHHH! That’s not usually me.

Thankfully, I don’t feel like my family is getting the business end of that in any major ways, which is significant for me (and my anger problem).

But I talked to a mentor of mine this morning, also a writer. Paraphrasing my question, how do you know when you’re involved in too many good things?

Too Much of a Good Thing?

I think of God’s words to Moses:

What you are doing is not good. You will surely wear yourself out, both you and these people with you. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. (Exodus 18:17-18)

I’ll include his answers below–and you might want to check out The Dangers of OvercommitmentThe True Cost of Overcommitment, and Your opportunity…vs. Your Call.  (Man. I probably should, too.) I also found a lot of good thoughts in Ruth Barton’s Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, which I can’t recommend highly enough.

After living so many years out of the country, I’m amazed at how my American ideals of achievement and performance really do color my interpretations of thriving Christianity. I think too highly of myself. My “ministry “plans can be ego-driven plans. I lack the humility to embrace the limits of my humanity, the boundaries God’s put in place. I find identity in what I do for God, rather than what he has done for me.

So I have to constantly re-center my soul on “Kingdom culture” instead–looking under the hood to check out my warning lights.

Shall we?

Dashboard-Light Questions: Could I be Overcommitted?

  1. Are there things I usually love that I don’t like right now?
  2. How would I describe the health of my closest relationships–and how I’m responding to those nearest to me right now?
  3. Am I compromising quality on the work that matters to me?
  4. Am I making time for–and enjoying–quality spiritual rhythms right now, like solitude, silence, prayer, meditation, journaling, and self-examination?
  5. Am I irritable or hypersensitive?
  6. Are my sleep habits being affected?
  7. Am I restless? Fantasizing about escape?
  8. Do I have “white space” in my day to simply live, think, and enjoy?
  9. Am I compulsively overworking, or as Barton notes, “unable to stop or slow down even when that would be appropriate–like at night after dinner or on vacation”?
  10. Am I unable to engage emotionally?
  11. Am I spending spare time in activities that help me escape (TV, surfing the net, compulsive eating or drinking), or that give me life?
  12. Do I feel like I’m going through the motions in things that matter, like listening to or caring for others, ministry, etc.?
  13. Am I feeling impulsive?
  14. Am I weighing what I say “yes” or “no” to?
  15. Am I caring for myself in heart? Body?
  16. Do I feel threatened when people ask me for favors, because I don’t feel I have the resources?
  17. Is my body showing signs of stress (tics, jaw clenching, eczema, digestive issues, etc.?)
  18. Am I falling into the “stressed version” of myself?

How can you usually tell when you’re overcommitted?

What do you ask yourself?

Join the discussion in the comments section.

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3 Dying Artforms that Actually Make You Happier. Pick One

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Sending cards.

Around his birthday last year, I mentioned to my husband the number of people who’d wished him a warm HBD on Facebook. My daughter, listening, asked if he’d received a lot of cards. “I used to get a lot. But people don’t do that much anymore,” he shrugged.

We’ve all got more than enough to do–and plenty of “shoulds”, right? I’m truly not wanting to add more. But I’ve found writing notes actually makes me…happier.

It makes sense. Harvard Health reports,

Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people…

When their week’s assignment was to write and personally deliver a letter of gratitude to someone who had never been properly thanked for his or her kindness, participants immediately exhibited a huge increase in happiness scores. This impact was greater than that from any other intervention, with benefits lasting for a month. (emphasis added)

One of my mom’s legacies, I’m convinced, is the prolific nature with which she sends greeting cards–to my family, included. She left a thank you note for my daughter after staying in her room over the holidays. She sent a note when our dog died. She occasionally slips in one to let me know she’s praying for me, or that she’s proud of me.

It’s easier than you’d think.

My hope is to get a few more postcards in the mail to my nieces and nephews this year.

 

Hospitality, deconstructed.

So in keeping with scientific evidence–a study once found that when people ate popcorn while watching a movie, they actually reported higher levels of enjoyment of the movie. (Big surprise: Food makes us like things more.) Food is a spectacular wheel-greaser for relationships.

We know the early church “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42). There are tons of references to hospitality as hallmarks of what following Jesus looks like.

Maybe it’s because we’re the ones welcomed in with open arms, just as we are.

But there’s ballet. A late night at work. Soccer practice. Homework. Church stuff. It’s hard to find time to just…be together.

Usually when we speak of hosting people, we’re counseled by those who would have us prepare the perfect cheese tray or build a sparkling centerpiece with coordinated dishware. Which in my mind…can miss the point of hospitality a little. It’s great to honor people with a “prepared place”! But it’s so easy for me to shift into Impress Your Friends mode.

I contrast this with our family’s visits to our African friend Monica, who lived in a lower-income area of Kampala. She and her daughters lived in a single room separated by a sheet partition. She served likely our simplest meal with friends ever–and yet was among the most honoring of the times we’ve shared dinner with someone. You’ve gotta read her story. (And here are more easy ideas on helping kids grow in real hospitality–not the “here’s how to make your family look fantastic” kind.)

Ideas:

  • Use paper plates.
  • Swallow your embarrassment over the mess, and have someone over last-minute.
  • Serve a one-pot meal, like something for the slow-cooker, or a pot of chili.
  • Allow your guest to contribute a dish.
  • Serve a simple dessert (if you feel like dessert is needed), like ice cream sundaes or brownies.
  • Grab 8 more ideas about relationships with a little less mascara here.

Because relationships are too important to be overshadowed by showmanship.

Face to face conversation.

In my first post-college position as a project manager, my boss gave me wise advice: Always get the closest degree of interpersonal communication you can.

That meant that while it might have saved time zipping over an email to a colleague or even making a phone call rather than schlepping across the office–we honor someone’s humanity with every incremental degree to which we show up in person.

Call rather than text. Phone rather than email. And whenever you can, get face-to-face.

You already know a significant portion (some estimate 70%) is nonverbal. Imagine how much can be misunderstood by subtracting 70%! Even if you’re a gifted communicator, words are never the same as seeing someone before your eyes. You’re communicating the emotion and value that only physical presence can afford. And that’s no matter how many emojis you’ve got at your disposal.

God sent himself into our mess, in the flesh (John 1:14).

So:

  • Have a basket inside your door for depositing phones.
  • Keep having dinner together.
  • Before you and your husband flip open books or screens at night, have a few minutes earmarked for connection time.
  • If it helps, make social goals for yourself just as you do with your career. Could you try to meet with one friend a week for coffee?

Healthline reports that social media “depression, anxiety, poorer sleep quality, lower self-esteem, inattention, and hyperactivity” in teens. Furthermore, says a new study,

“What we found overall is that if you use less social media, you are actually less depressed and less lonely, meaning that the decreased social media use is what causes that qualitative shift in your well-being,” said Jordyn Young, a co-author of the paper and a senior at the University of Pennsylvania.

Americans are more isolated, and young people in particular are more lonely--finding more quantitative but less qualitative interactions in social media. We statistically have less confidantes than ever. 

What stands between you and more real, fulfilling relationships?

And what could be waiting on the other side?

 

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INFOGRAPHIC: Simplify Your Schedule (in Time for the School Year!)

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Sometimes it can feel a little like my schedule has me on a leash, rather than the other way around. During the school year, when asked how we are, how many times could we answer, “Busy”?

But, as I like to be reminded by Peter Scazzero, we’re human beings, not human doings. We are more than what we do, more than our usefulness, like some machine or hired hand.

10 Questions to Take Your Relationship with God Deeper in 2017, Set #3

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Last year, I kicked off 2016 with 6 Ways to Take Your Relationships Deeper, parts I and II and dug into that a little with six sets of questions help tug your most intimate friendships to the next level.

This year, I’ve kicked off 2017 with questions to help us pursue our relationship with the most potential for fulfillment and gut-level happiness, no matter what’s around the corner. (Check out the previous two sets here and here!)

 

  1. What names of God most resonate with me right now?
  2. Lord, where do you want to send me?
  3. Consider the questions of God toward people in Scripture—and pray through the answers.

10 Questions to Take Your Relationship with God Deeper in 2017, Set #2

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Last year, I kicked off 2016 with 6 Ways to Take Your Relationships Deeper, parts I and II and dug into that a little with six sets of questions help tug your most intimate friendships to the next level. 

This year, I’ve kicked off 2107 with questions to help us pursue our relationship with the most potential for fulfillment and gut-level happiness, no matter what’s around the corner. (Check out the previous set here!)

 

1. At times when I feel most worshipful, what am I doing?

2. Spend time thanking God for ten people who are gifts to you in this present time, and ten people from your past.

10 Questions to Take Your Relationship with God Deeper in 2017, Set #1

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Last year, I kicked off 2016 with 6 Ways to Take Your Relationships Deeper, parts I and II and dug into that a little with six sets of questions help tug your most intimate friendships to the next level.

This year, I’m gonna party like it’s 2107 with a few questions to help us pursue our relationship with the most potential for fulfillment and gut-level happiness, no matter what’s around the corner. I’m raising my glass: to the One who fills every soul-hole this year. Cheers, friends!

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