A Generous Grace

ideas on practical spirituality and loving each other

Category: sex

Shame–and Your Marriage: On the Fear that Keeps Us Hiding (and Clawing Your Way Out)

shame in your marriage The power of shame continues to make my mind fizz. (Yours might, too: This post on shame in parenting has drawn more readers than any other post on this site, bar none.)

But now all those thoughts are bubbling over what shame might look like in a marriage; in our most intimate concentric circle of community. See, I know shame—this idea that I’m not worthy of connecting with someone—immediately leads me to cover up.

Take the typical fight with a spouse. First reaction is not typically, You’re so right. I’m snippy, and I have a profound case of PMS. It’s more along the lines of blame-shifting (Well, if you’d stop overreacting like some kind of hypersensitive Pomeranian). Denying (I didn’t say you were arrogant! I said you were cocky). Hiding (If I don’t say anything, it will look a lot like peace and taking the higher road).

The Masquerade

Joking aside—this predilection to hiding means the manifestations of shame are endless. For me, it led to a profound insecurity (you can read how that affected our relationship); to people-pleasing ad nauseam, to the extent of a near eating disorder.

Continue reading

If you like it, please share it! (And consider subscribing up there in the right hand corner.)

Ideas to Be Your Spouse’s Wingman

If you’re thinking of Goose and Mav, you’re getting my idea. How can we be our spouse’s “intimate ally”*? Get this: The word God used to describe Eve in the Bible (ezer) translated as helper—is most often used in the Bible as either as a term for a military ally…or for God Himself, helping us. Here are a few practical ideas—for husbands and wives–to act as your mate’s shield, advocate, and protector. (Like this? Be sure to check out 50 Ways to Inspire Your Wife and 50 Ways to Inspire Your Husband.)

Continue reading

If you like it, please share it! (And consider subscribing up there in the right hand corner.)

Love is the new sexy

love is the new sexyI was brushing my teeth that night in my PJ’s, mulling over the day, when I had one of those moments–y’know, where God just tugs my chin upward a bit, lets me peek in a bit to what’s solid: to what He’s really doing in all these mundane days that slip by, another X on the calendar.

I walked to the bed, sat down next to my husband, suddenly overcome. It was late; we’d just had a struggling friend over, and my husband had spent hours in conversation seeking out practical solutions with her.

I recalled how my day had begun. A close Ugandan friend had lost a family member in the night—one of three family members he’d paid for to go to the hospital this week. I spotted him the loan for transportation to his village, for the goat he was expected by tradition to provide. But it was my husband later who texted him, telling him it wasn’t a loan, but a gift.

My husband went to work, faithful to his role in management. He came home and loved on his kids, tickling my son before all of us sat down to dinner with our guest. As I type this post, he’s at a friend’s house who was robbed just a few hours ago. (I guess you could say it’s shaping up to be a rough week.)

Continue reading

If you like it, please share it! (And consider subscribing up there in the right hand corner.)

Guest post: The Hole Truth: Peer Pressure, Sex, and the Connection to Our Kids’ Identity

Howdy! I’m guest posting again on WeareTHATFamily.com again about The Hole Truth: Peer Pressure, Sex, and the Connection to Our Kids’ Identity. Hop on over if you’re interested!

If you like it, please share it! (And consider subscribing up there in the right hand corner.)

© 2017 A Generous Grace

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑