A Generous Grace

ideas on practical spirituality and loving each other

Category: Africa (page 1 of 7)

Holiday Rerun: Spiritual Disciplines for Real Families: 10 Practical Ways to Teach Simplicity

One of my favorite aspects of my African lifestyle wass a lean muscularity of simplicity. Forget keeping up with the Joneses. You are the Joneses, when your kids are going to play with kids whose families (who may or may not be literate or have lost a child) live in one room, which may or may not have electricity and running water.

So people expect my light fixtures to, say, look like I swiped them from my church in the eighties. They anticipate that when I serve lemonade, it will cascade from an ugly plastic pitcher.

Perspective is everything.

Randy Alcorn explains in his (highly-recommended) The Treasure Principle“The more things we own—the greater their total mass, the more they grip us, setting us in orbit around them.”

We sense this, I think. We sense that where our treasure is, there our hearts will also be. That the holes in our lives are never filled by more stuff, more food, more activity.

(I want to admit freely at this point that sometimes my inner “Martha”sometimes cleans the clock of my inner Mary, leaving poor Mary bruised and dazed.)

simple-is-beautiful

Richard Foster observes,

To attempt to arrange an outward lifestyle of simplicity without the inward reality leads to deadly legalism.

Simplicity begins in inward focus and unity …. Experiencing the inward reality liberates us outwardly. Speech becomes truthful and honest. The lust for status and position is gone because we no longer need status and position. We cease from showy extravagance not on the grounds of being unable to afford it, but on the grounds of principle. Our goods become available to others. We join the experience that Richard E. Byrd, after months alone in the barren Arctic, recorded in his journal, “I am learning … that a man can live profoundly without masses of things.”

 

Between my sister’s shoulder blades is tattooed a single word in Hebrew: satisfied. How many of us could choose that word to describe our souls?

Simplicity is a form of fasting; a way of cutting out the “McNuggets” portion of our belongings, our schedule, our talk, and our preoccupations that connive us into thinking we’re nourished, full, and happy.

 

THE KEY: Finding the freedom, joy, undivided heart, and gut-level satisfaction from lives untethered by excess. We can train our minds and hearts away from our constant appetites and the idea that more equals happiness, comfort, and convenience.

 

Especially in this season, how can we make intentional decisions away from the glut of the temporary, and seek a singularity of heart…without offending, say, your mother-in-law and your boss?

It’s not going to happen in nine steps. But let’s get some ideas going toward true satisfaction, and the kingdom nothing destroys, shall we?

  1. Rather than opting for quantity or expense—trinkets from the dollar aisle, or a pricey gift basket that serves as a nod to tradition—exchange number or price of gifts for intentionalityOpt for gifts that scream, I see you, and I get you. I love that my closest Ugandan friend gives her delighted grandma a chicken and a bag of sugar for Christmas. Though I will not be getting my mom that for Christmas—what can we give that expresses careful (not gluttonous) love? (Parents, imagine your kid tearing through presents and tossing each one aside in that Christmas-morning marathon. What’s that gift that would hit the spot and be the one that simply means something?)
  2. Give an experience; a memory. Maybe it’s a train ride (locally, or to a cool destination); a trip to a relative or friend; passes to the zoo, museum, or theater; a class (pottery! Drama!); a camping trip; a coupon book of outings for time together in the upcoming year; a trip to a place they’ve read about, or to one of their interests (a play, musical, concert, sporting event, a far-away friend).
  3. Plan a PR announcement. Talk to your kids. Explain things may be a little different this year; that they might get a few more meaningful gifts, and perhaps less on the gifts they don’t care about. As much as you can, explain your heart–perhaps that as a family, you want to find the freedom and generosity that comes with paring down our excess. Best case scenario? Get them brainstorming about ways they could “give away this Christmas”—turning Christmas into a chance to give rather than receive. Get relatives on board, when possible. Without shoveling your values on them, try to convey your heart and understand their interests, too. Could you collaborate on a gift or experience? Rather than the gift exchange, could the adults choose a charity or family to which you want to give—or take turns each year?
  4. Revamp everything you know about need vs. want. Tim Keller points out that when we compare our financial state, we nearly always compare ourselves to those who have more.

Reality? Approximately 80% of the world is living below the poverty line. I love the words of my friend Kristen, in her (yes-yes-yes this is great stuff!) book, Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World: How One Family Learned That Saying No Can Lead to Life’s Biggest Yes. When her daughter grumbled, “Everyone has one, Mom,” Kristen countered gently,

 

“Well, do you think Ephantus [one of the children we’ve sponsored for years through Compassion International] has one?” She thought quietly. “No, his house isn’t even as big as my room.”

 

Kristen remarks, “Nothing makes us more grateful than perspective. Nothing. I think it’s the key to loosening the chains of entitlement in our culture.” (Her book is chock-full of ways to alter kids’ perspective and get them excited about serving.)

5. Stop competing with Martha Stewart. Dinner with my impoverished, luminous friend, Monica drove home what makes hospitality sparkle: It wasn’t her serving dishes, her perfectly-tuned recipe, or the (absent) centerpiece that made our time quality. It was simply her desire to honor us, to give generously, to connect with us and enjoy a relationship.

Toward simplicity on any day of the week, Peter Scazzero recommends creating simpler meals with fewer dishes and less prep. And at the holidays–don’t forget kids can pitch in with the extra demands of loving on others.

6. Set a capacity, and then clean your closet. Though creating beauty in our homes and appearance is natural and can be God-glorifying—as When Helping Hurts points out, we are among the wealthiest people who ever walked the planet…in all of history. Author Tony Campolo chose to restrain himself to only five changes of clothes!

Another mom’s remarkable rule: If her kids acquire new clothing, they must give an equal amount away. So consider setting a firm capacity on your possessions. Then, set a target percentage of your stuff to give away—and then up your number by 5%. For kids, in preparation for the holidays, ask them to clean out xnumber of clothes and x number of toys from their rooms, to give away.

7. Relentlessly streamline chaos. Create less noise by turning off the TV or music in the car, during meals, or while you’re milling around the house; plan the shows you will watch, and turn it off during the rest. Get a firm rein on kid’s screen time. Plan your grocery list, and “fast” from buying little tempting extras (Do we need five kinds of salad dressing?). Ask, what areas of my life feel harried? Do those express our values? What systems could we put in place to keep our schedule serving us and promoting peace–and not the opposite?

8. Fast from your constant “yes.” Start journaling—and eventually having family conversations about—your values as a family. Use those to determine your family’s schedule, and not the other way around! Say no to one thing that you could have said yes to, simply to create margin, emotional energy, and a culture of rest and peace in your home. As it has been said, Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.

9. Avoid “cagey” speech, and speak the truth. Opt for simplicity and genuine concern in your speech by steering clear of flattery, white lies, gossip, and overindulgence about stuff that doesn’t matter (like an entire dinner conversation about a TV show). Obviously, small talk is polite and necessary. But choose speech that nourishes, and minimize “Cheetos”-type conversation (read: full of a lot of air and fake stuff that sticks to you).

10. Get kids geared up about giving. Together, choose one project to get geared up about for serving this year. What are your kids’ hearts beating for? Surround it with fun memories that help them associate serving with rewards and satisfaction. Maybe you have a family game night of tournaments—and the winner gets to choose a cause for a slice of your year-end giving.

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Spiritual Disciplines for Real Families: 13 Simple Ways to Teach Hospitality

spiritual disciplines real families

Missed the previous posts and the ideas behind this series? Catch ’em here.

He was barely in the front door, cheeks flushed from the bike ride home. He smelled like the cold and that faintest puff of little-boy sweat. “Mom! Guess what! We’re getting a new kid and his name is Toby and the teacher wants me to show him around and tell him all about the school!” He drew a breath, those Chiclet-sized adult teeth still, charmingly, just a bit too big for his eight-year-old mouth.

I grinned. Just a month ago, he’d been the new kid. Now my little guy was thrilled to be the one ushering in a new friend.

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A Symphony around My Chopsticks: Thoughts on Everyday Faithfulness

symphony alongside my chopsticks everyday faithfulness

My house is (blissfully) quiet now. I sit at my clean wooden table. My stomach is comfortably satisfied. My kids are actually adjusting remarkably well to school life—something I couldn’t have anticipated after five years homeschooling them in Africa. (Adjusting so well, in fact, that after their dental appointments last week, the younger two begged me to return to the last hour of school. Um…okay!) My new job as a freelance writer—after a few weeks of what might be called panic—is actually a delight. And my husband is happy, which is just a good gift all around. We are all healing mpola mpola (slowly by slowly).

This is to say: I have a lot I am thankful for. Many of you have asked about our transition, probably because my heart has seeped out a bit into cyberspace. I would not be telling the truth to say something other than—wow. This has all gone much more smoothly than I thought possible. (Thank you, friends, for praying. He hears.)

I noticed in myself this weekend—I guess you could call it a longing. As a friend pointed out, I’ve lost a couple of my jobs in the last year. And I think the slight gap I feel, where the wind whistles through, could be called purpose. Occasionally I see flashes of it, like light on water. But a little part of me is still puzzled. It whispers, see–when I’m not flying around with school lunches and permission slips and work deadlines. Why am I here? (And maybe, Why am I not there?)

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From My Pinterest-imperfect Day to Yours: Simple Thoughts about What Goes Wrong

I padded downstairs to shake my daughter’s shoulder, waking her for school. But instead, she woke to my “Oh, no.”

‘Cause that’s generally what you say when you see liquid pooling in the hall in the half-light, oozing from the laundry-room-slash-pantry.

That was the price-club-sized empty detergent bottle on its side, the cap to the air vent lying surrendered beside it, and the laundry room now flooded with a pleasantly lemony, biodegradable, outstandingly viscous liquid soap.

pinterest imperfect day

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Ways to Keep Your Giving from Hurting, Part II

Missed the first post? Grab it here.

4. We are not the heroes. Give to organizations that empower and employ local workers, and who utilize the local economy.

Sending shoes or clothes or food, for example, to impoverished countries—in my experience–can simply be sending in what could be purchased there, without the Western manpower and shipping expenses. (My family and I still load Samaritan’s Purse shoeboxes at Christmastime; those are different to me.) Supporting local farmers and businesses helps those working hard in their own nations.

Organizations with local workers help in the constant interpretation of situations around them, so Westerners don’t make them worse. Employing local workers also tend to encourage Westerners to “work themselves out of a job” a bit. It presents authority figures from a culture’s own people, rather than encouraging a colonialist mentality. And it develops and cultivates vision in national workers who are so much more naturally equipped to help their own people. I love organizations working diligently to “entrust these things to faithful men” (2 Timothy 2:2).

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Ways to Help your Giving Keep from Hurting the Poor, Part I

The stories happened more often than I’d like to admit, and echoed a truth a friend had told me within my first few months of moving to Africa. “The longer I’m here, the more I realize just how hard it is to help without hurting.”

I’ve heard heartrending stories of boxes of early reading books collecting dust. Sewing machines gone into disrepair, sitting idle for years. Business owners possessing the equipment they need, but selling their goods for less than the goods cost, for lack of basic business training. Adoption funding such widespread corruption that an entire nation must close nearly entirely its adoption doors.

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On Finding the Upside of the Downside

It’s very possible I’m showing my age with this. But remember One Fine Day with George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer? He’s Jack, popular reporter and ladies’ man; she’s Melanie, overprotective single mother. Of course, they’re starting to fall in love. At one point:

Melanie: I-I realize it’s difficult what with, uh, Celia, Kristen, Elaine.

Jack (pauses, looks at her): I know your name, Mel.

This is what I like: I get that sometimes, you just want to know someone sees you. That you’re not just another name.

Maybe that’s why the words from Isaiah are whispering through my brain nearly once a day right now: See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

I know your name, Janel.

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Memos from a Landing: Thoughts on a Bumpy Transition

Well—we did it.

We got on the plane.

After four months of playing some crazy game show of “Pack, Trash, Sell or Give?” with all our stuff ad nauseam, settling our respective work into trustworthy hands, and enough heartrending goodbyes that at the end my heart was twisted dry—we neatly quietly faithfully? closed the chapter of our lives that is Africa.

Well. Scratch that, too. Africa’s far too kneaded into us, far too braided into the fabric that is us. And the work continues in Uganda, even if at a distance for us.

I now find myself in that odd twilight that is having arrived, but my life still flayed open like a cardboard box. The pieces of me are finding niches, or seeking one, or temporarily cast aside, or still hiding out. I’m that inevitable bin at the end when you’re unpacking, where you dumped all the spare randomness. Where in the world should this go?

Transition can feel…bereft.

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What comes to mind when you think “refugee”?

For key thoughts on this important topic, make sure to check out this post on ways and reasons to welcome refugees.

“Teacha!” He loped across the pavement to me where I stood shaded beneath the tailgate of my high-clearance minivan.

At 6’5” and change, he couldn’t fit. In fact, the two of us are a caricature of opposites. His skin is the stuff of 80% cacao chocolate. Parts of mine are Cinderella-white (though Africa worked hard to darken me permanently with sun spots). Like his Sudanese ancestors, he’s built like a marionette; still, when he throws that rangy arm over my shoulder, he dwarfs my genetically Swiss shoulders and barrel chest.

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Living Sent: An Updated Job Description (Guest Post)

Quick role-play. Let’s say you, your spouse, your kids—you’re all headed back to the Western world from some distant land. You’ve been missionaries somewhere; Africa, maybe. (You pick.) You’ve been helping people gain clean water, maybe, or teaching refugees, or advocating for orphans of AIDS.

How would you live in your home country?

This is actually my personal, particular predicament. My family and I have been living and working in the developing world for five years now, and are now headed to suburban America. I’m asking a question that perhaps many of you are already asking: What does it look like to be missionaries…who stay?

On many of the Wednesdays of 2017, I’m helping my friend Barbara Rainey, on everthinehome.com. We’re exploring what she calls “prayer lessons”: ideas to pray for ourselves, our most critical relationships, our communities. This month, as we pray for our communities, I’m looking in to how to live “sent“–no matter what zipcode in which you find yourself. Check it out here on everthinehome.

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